Holiday Survival Guide

Yes, here it is, the post you’ve all been waiting for, it’s feingarden’s official 2012 Holiday Survival Guide.  Everything you need to know to get you through all the shopping, all the commercialism, all the culture-clash, all the in-laws, all the endlessly repeated carols, and everything else that comes along with all of that stuff.  Obviously, that’s a lot of stuff to cover, but I think I can do it without taking up much of your time, because you’ve still got shopping to do, cookies to bake, etc., right? Right.  Okay, here we go.

Be tolerant.

That’s it.  I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading my blog.





You’re still here?  What, you think think there should be more to it than that?  Why?  Just because December has major festivals of celebration for Jews, Materialistic Consumers, Christians, Pagans (both Live Chicken and Symbolic Tofu sects), and probably half a dozen more different cultural groups?  So what?  If they’re tolerant of you and you’re tolerant of them you’ll have no problems.

Sure, it’s more difficult for those who aren’t Christian, because the majority of the celebrants ARE Christian and I can easily see how this could become very tiresome.  I think it’s even more of a problem this year because I can’t ever remember seeing so many militant Christians at this time of year with their “It’s Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays” posts on Facebook.  Yes, it’s a Merry Christmas for you, and I wish you the best, but it’s also a Happy Solstice for the Benevolent Sisters of Luna or whoever happens to worship the moon nowadays.  You folks need to have a little tolerance and move on.  It’s a time for celebration.  Save the evangelism for January.  Those who aren’t Christian need to be tolerant too, and need to keep in mind that just because everyone is celebrating around you doesn’t mean they’re trying to convert you to the Dark Side.

It’s unfortunate, but no accident that all these holidays ended up in December, a month so jammed with holidays it looks like a Phnom Penh intersection.  If any month needs a festival of celebration it’s dark, dreary, cold, wet December, and every culture since the dawn of time with more than 50 followers knew this and threw a big party to keep people from going nutso.  As all these cultures spread out they started stepping on each others’ toes, and right when everyone is bored and grouchy, too.  The end result is that today even a polite, non-denominational “Happy Holidays” pisses people off.

So when someone greets you with a hearty “Happy Hannukah” there’s no need to get snippy and point out that you are not Jewish, but in fact are a Pastafarian and how dare they insult you.   First off, let ’em be happy, for Pete’s sake (okay, poor choice of words, but you get the idea).  Secondly, note that the first word of their greeting was “happy”, recognize that they’re trying to share a bit of happiness in an uncaring universe, and say “Thanks!  Happy Holiday to you too!”

Personally, I’m going to slavishly and ritualistically reproduce the traditions of my childhood with as little thought as possible to their symbolism or meaning.  I’m going to put up a tree rooted in paganism (Hah!  See what I did there?), decorate it with non-denominational ornaments, and call it a Christmas tree.  I’m doing it up the “right” way, which is the way I’ve done it for all of my 39 years, which is the right way for me,and I strongly suggest you do the same.   NOnonono, I meant you should do what’s right for you.   Sheesh, is EVERYbody crabby this year?


4 thoughts on “Holiday Survival Guide

  1. Pingback: Survival Guide fail | feingarden

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