Human relationships go through many stages, and often have to endure hardships and challenges. Personalities change over time, individual needs change, a partner’s attention gets diverted, or they can even be attracted to another potential partner. If the partners grow too far apart, sometimes the best course of action is to step away from the situation and get a better view of the big picture to see if continuing the partnership really is in the best interests of everyone involved. It is with this in mind that I must regretfully announce a trial separation between myself and the Seattle Mariners.
This will come as a shock to many of you who know me. I’ve been a fan of the Mariners for as long as they’ve existed, and while I’m not as hard-core as many true fans out there (I cannot, for example, recall who they stupidly kept in the lineup too long, blocking Edgar Martinez’ move up from AAA) I have nevertheless been a loyal follower of the team. Ironically, I’m wearing my Mariners polo shirt as I type this. Being a Mariners fan has been part of my core identity since the late 70’s and few of my current friends can remember a time when I wasn’t a Mariners fan. No, I never bought season tickets, but I did make a point of purchasing something Mariners related at least once a year, I subscribed to MLB audio so I could listen to the games, and I try to get tickets whenever I’m in Seattle.
There are two main reasons for the split. First is that the relationship was becoming increasingly one-sided. I continued to give and the Mariners gave so little in return. Yes, I admit that signing star pitcher Felix Hernandez to a long-term contract was pleasing despite the risk. But the rest of the signings in this off-season were just plain useless (Raul Ibanez? Really? AGAIN?!?) and offering the hope of one interesting ballgame every 5 days when Felix pitches just is not enough. I’m worth more than that, and I deserve better.
The other reason for the split is that I’ve found the better that I deserve. Yes, I know it’s tacky, but in the same post that I announce my split with the Mariners I’m also unveiling my new relationship with… the Toronto Blue Jays. The Jays picked up Cy Young award winner R. A. Dickey (a former Mariner, of course) in the offseason, playing to my known weakness for knuckleballers, and their other deals in no way involved Raul Ibanez, indicating that the team is actually trying to win ballgames by hiring productive players instead of “veteran presence in the clubhouse”. I’m also willing to admit that my new baseball partner is a bit of an “easy” choice; Blue Jay games are often televised here and are always free.
So there it is. I’m abandoning my long-term relationship with the Mariners and filling the void with the slutty Toronto Blue Jays. I’m not proud of my actions, but I really have no choice. If the Mariners prove that they’re willing to take my affection seriously by, oh, I dunno, say, winning more games than they lose for a change, or finishing somewhere other than last place, then I’d be right back on the bandwagon in a second but until that happens I’m going to watch some baseball that’s actually interesting for a change.